I'm Healing.

A friend of mine wrote me an email catching up. She asked me how I was doing since my dad passed. When I wrote her back I started to type 'I'm doing okay with my dad..' But then I stopped. I pressed backspace. Something felt off with what I just wrote. Part of my being is committing myself to staying in integrity. That entails being honest with myself. In that moment, those words didn’t entirely feel like they were accurate. I had just cried that morning on the metro. I looked at the email for a few minutes and rewrote the sentence. I typed 'I'm healing from losing my dad..' I felt a sigh of relief. My inner self was happy that I wrote the truth. 

When my dad first passed away, I downplayed how heartbroken I was. It was challenging for me express all of the sensitivities involved with grief. Not only was it challenging but I was exhausted from having the same conversation. I felt triggered when others would say 'I can't imagine how that feels' and I felt triggered when my sweet friends didn't say anything. I downplayed how much pain I was actually in. I wanted to be strong and handle it. And I was acknowledged for being “strong.” Something didn't feel right and it was that I wasn't fully being honest when speaking out loud. I was getting clear with what my new normal was, I was letting others meet me halfway, I was open about what I could and couldn't do, I was letting myself cry when I needed to and feel everything. But still something was feeling off.

People would say 'i'm sorry' and I would respond with 'it's okay.' I wasn't fully being vulnerable in these moments. A mentor/friend/coach/teacher/soul sister of mine who has dealt with grief said 'I want you to stop saying I'm sorry. Try saying thanks'. So I started practicing this. The first few times I said it, part of me wanted to follow-up with 'it's okay'. I felt vulnerable AF, it felt raw and it stung. I sat there and asked myself what the hell is wrong with saying I'm healing from X. None of us are perfect. No one constantly has their shit together all of the time. All of us are healing from something. So why are we so afraid to be vulnerable? What would it look like if we lived in a place of truth/honesty AND vulnerability? For one thing- we'd stop putting on a front that everything is okay and be real with our healing. 

Part of the reason that I want to be open about my healing is to get real with myself, tell the truth, let others support me, and allow myself the space for vulnerability. All of these things enable me to be a better coach. Being vulnerable actually makes you stronger than acting like you've got it. I'm devoted to healing through vulnerability. I cry a lot. I feel grateful that I have individuals in my life to give me that space, that support my vulnerability and a partner who constantly has his hands at my back.  

How do you and your body react to vulnerability? What commitments have you made around this space for yourself?

For me, writing this piece and talking about healing is me committing to my healing. I made a commitment a few months ago to write more, to express myself more and to use my voice. So this is that happening and my wish for you, is that you feel empowered to do the same in whatever capacity that means for you.  


Express Yourself

I was in a yoga class a few weeks ago when my teacher asked 'What if we trusted ourselves and our own experiences to use our voice, rather than trust that someone else's experience and voice weighs greater?'

This made me smile, I deeply felt what he said. Immediately, I thought of using my voice and expressing my needs. Actually, what I thought of was how not using my voice and/or expressing my needs was what has had the most presence in my life. For years, it felt like this huge hurdle that I could not get over. This is still something that I'm sensitive to and will catch myself encountering those blockages. When those blockages come up, I remind myself that this is all practice not perfection (hi perfectionist side). When I wasn't expressing my needs; I was being agreeable, saying 'yes' when I wanted to say 'no', being a people-pleaser, not using my voice, and trusting others' words over my own. Sounds exhausting, right?

While I was going through my coach training program, my teacher asked us about our relationship to expressing our needs. I got silent and felt my stomach drop. This was something I wasn't doing. I wasn't practicing it. I was trying to bypass it which was leading to more stress than if I actually just expressed myself. I knew this needed to shift. I needed to practice saying what I needed and I needed to use my voice. 

The first thing was to get clear on what my needs were in all areas of my life (self-care, friendships, romantic partnerships, family relationships, finances, career, etc..). After that, I started to check-in with myself throughout my day. Throughout my conversations with other individuals, I would ask myself; 'did you get what you needed..' 'do you need to go back and revisit that conversation..' 'is there anything that you feel needs to be added..' This helped significantly with getting clear on my needs. Having clarity around my needs has made the whole expressing part have much more flow. 

Expressing myself in the moment and using my voice is a constant practice that I have in my life. Like anything else, it's something that takes time to nurture and grow. As I commit to practicing this, it gets easier with time and I acknowledge myself for using my voice. 

What becomes possible when you express your needs? Tell me about it if this resonates.  

Today I acknowledge you for listening to yourself, for using your voice and expressing your needs. 


Dream of the Possibility

Coming to you post New Moon in Sagittarius. Last month I talked about the act of release and letting go. Fall is a beautiful time to let go of things in our space that are no longer serving us. The New Moon is the perfect time to dream about the possibility. It’s a time when we plant seeds for what we want to bring into our space. It’s a time to manifest and dream. 

As we wrap up the year and get to reflect upon the last 12 months, we also reflect upon what we want to bring into our space for the next year. What do you want to bring into each area of your life? Get clear and BE SPECIFIC. We can do this throughout the entire year. We don’t need to wait until the end of the year to manifest and create what we desire.  

Let’s take a look at each area of your life and think about what you want to bring into that space. Make a list and don’t filter it. After making a large list, scale it down. Be specific and pick out what really calls to you. Envision it. Really lean into what it would FEEL like to bring this into your life. What does that look like for you? Is it a letter to yourself with that goal already present in your life? Is it a vision board? Is it journaling on it? As I always say, pick a practice that works best for you but I invite you to really feel what it’s like to have this goal in your life. Be in it.

The Winter Solstice is this Thursday, December 21st. It’s a time for us to hit the reset button and slow down as we enter this new season of stillness. Take time for yourself over the next few weeks. Recover from the busy holiday season and be easy on yourself as you enter the New Year. 

Sending you love and peace until next time.


The Season for Releasing

Happy Fall, Samhain Blessings and my favorite time of year. I’ve been fortunate to be in circle a few times over the last month with different groups of women. Being in circle creates sacred space, ignites connection and enables healing. Healing. Healing has a large presence in my life at the moment. I’m grieving a huge loss that has happened in my life. Part of this healing, for me, includes the act of releasing.

With the season of Fall, we are reminded of the process of letting go. We let go what no longer serves us. This could be an old habit, a relationship, a limiting belief we are holding onto and the list goes on. It’s a time to get introspective and release as we prepare to move to the stillness that Winter feeds us. I spoke with a friend the other day about things in my life that felt hard right now or challenging. The word anxiety came up. Anxiety has been making its way into my space over the last 6 months and to be totally honest, I've been trying to ignore it. Over the last few months, I’ve written down in my journal that I’m releasing the anxiety. I’ve written it down on paper and burned that paper during ceremonies. But that isn’t enough. I needed to create action around what I wanted to release. So I was asked, what would it take for anxiety to feel better? I loved this question. My answer- talking about it, feeling supported and committing to spending more time doing the things that bring ease into my life.

The act of writing down what we want to release or burning it, is powerful. But what else.. What’s the next step? Let’s create commitment around this release. What steps are you committed to taking around this release? Perhaps your action item is creating a mantra or it’s reframing that limiting belief and changing it into something positive. Maybe it’s scheduling in a 3-minute check-in each day. Write down what feels best for you. 

I invite you to journal on what’s in your space at the moment that you would like to release. What is no longer serving you? Do you have any beliefs or stories that you would like to leave in the past? Write them down.

Almost done.. When you release, see how it feels to release with gratitude. For example- I’m grateful for the anxiety that bubbles up because it gives me the opportunity to check-in with myself more. It gives me the chance to connect with my intuition and REALLY listen to what I need in that moment. So what if we release but release with gratitude? What if we reframe these things that are in our space and release with love...

If you’re having a blockage on releasing, listen to this powerful meditation that was recommended to me by a friend. I did this meditation and it helped to bring my mind and heart into an attunement.

Enjoy this harvesting time and sending you love.


Are You Connected With Your Inner Guidance?

As my first post, I intuitively felt called to speak on inner guidance. What’s inner guidance? Simply, your inner guidance is your intuition. It’s listening to your core, your heart center and syncing up your mind with these spaces. It’s listening to your spirit guides, the universe, the divine or however you wish to call it and connecting with them. It’s speaking and acting from your true self.

Do you ever speak up about something and then question what you’ve said a million times? Or before you make any decision, do you call your friends or family to seek approval? Does your fear speak over your intuition regularly?

I feel you, love, and I’ve been there.

Let me share a piece of myself with you. A while back, a family member of mine went for a session with their medium. The medium told them that I needed to start believing in myself. When I heard this, I felt defensive. Immediately I said to myself “Ha! that’s absurd, I do believe in myself.” I was confident with who I was but to be totally real with you, my actions were speaking A LOT louder than my words. I would text or call family and friends any time I needed to make a tough decision. And for me, as an indecisive Libra, I would text them about a wide range of anything. When something would happen that left part of me feeling frustrated, confused or sad, I would need to let not just one, but multiple people know. How many people did I need validation from that I was right in ending a relationship or that moving to a new place was the next step? We get it. This left me not only dependent on my relationships but completely disconnected from my intuition. It left me feeling energetically exhausted.

When I began to dig out my own path and create a life that would align with my true self, this disconnection surfaced in a strong way. The gods and goddesses were essentially smacking me across the face while screaming “intuition!” It became more apparent to me that I wasn’t believing in myself. Knowing that, brought up more stuff.

I wanted this to shift and I knew that I desired to take ownership. I love that word ownership. Ownership is different from control. When we want control, we are so focused on the outcome. We cannot trust ourselves, others or any entity that we believe in. Taking ownership of our power and relationships allows us to create boundaries to teach others to treat us with respect. I OWNED the fact that there was a huge gap between my mind, voice and intuition. As someone who is intuitive, I was seriously disconnected from my intuition. In this context, I don’t mean intuition like meeting someone and your intuition is telling you to run. I mean fully being in the present, with your TRUE SELF and connected with your intuition. And so it began, a relationship between myself and my intuition. I began to take the steps that I desired to heal that relationship. The first step was recognizing and being curious about this disconnection. It’s a constant relationship that invites me to dig deeper. I’m grateful for the relationship that I have with her and the nurturing that I give to her.

We spend such a great deal of time worrying about the relationships around us but the most important relationship is the one with yourself.

So let me ask you, does any of this resonate? Are you fully in connection with your inner guidance? Let’s not wait any longer to mend this relationship. I invite you to think about this and I challenge you to bring a practice into your life that connects these pieces back together. Remember, the first step is recognizing and being curious. Tools to use could include meditation, journaling or mindset practices.

Feeling called to connect with your inner guidance? I’d love to invite you for a free inner guidance session with me. Connect with me here. Interested in hearing more from me? Hop on the email train by clicking here for some of my practices, tools and goodies.